Cost of rape


This cigarette is still burning

And this smoke tickles my nose

I feel numb

I can’t feel my skin

I close my sicken eyes

As graceful tears crawl down my face

I take one biter whiskey shot

And my head starts to race

I can see my black mascara on my tears

As those drops of art drop on my breast

The scratches of dried blood

Which decorate my chest

My red lipstick smeared

I shove more pills in my mouth

As I chase with more shots

He was too heavy

I couldn’t get him off

He crashed my soul over and over

As he thrusted deeper inside

My world slowly darkened

For the fight and pain

I woke up dirty and bloody

From the sound of my screams

I remember his eyes

How he watched me walk

Now the whiskey bottle is empty

And I hold a razor against my wrist

And watch my blood paint the floor

The darkness backs again

And now it’s all around

The room is full of smoke still

And it’s moving so slowly

Now am weak

Am seated reading that note on the floor

“Sorry”

And weakly smile at the body of me bleed

Indeed an expensive cost

For the price of rape
Ellyjoy

How I feel

I hate how we have drifted apart

But then…

If you making no effort for me

Stick on your life

Why should I?

You took all your insecurities

And twisted them into my flaws

One day you will miss how I cared about you

Tears will be nothing but a drop of water

You taught me that love would be an amazing thing

But still taught me;

Love will keep me up till midnight

Crying softly to myself

Wondering how much more pain i can endure

I will forget what you said

I will forget what you did

But…

Will never forget how you made me feel

I am used to it you might think

Am used to being left out

Am used to being the second choice

And the back up friend

Am used to it

And tired of it

You will never understand the pain you caused

Unless the same thing was done to you.. 

Because there is always a message in the way every man treats you

Ellyjoy

BEHIND MY CLEAR TEARS

The soothing chocolate creamy taste

Is more worser than the whiskey burning feeling

The feeling that caresses and seduces your veins leaving the tore surface 

The touch of it so deep 

Leaving lips wet for a soothing session

And now behind my face

I drop red tears

Deep between cuts and piercings

Of desperate heart and soul

They displays the strength behind my existence

Then like it’s not enough

It’s behind my back

They are all getting down

Like I am not pretty enough for a day

My nights pass unseen

And the cloudy sky leaves me worried

With this final word

If am really worth it

If the warm cuddle of my palms

Leaves me undecided

If am comfortable or not

Then am close to forever

Help me out

He who can read my eyes

If you can see through my sick lips

My clear tears

My blank mind

Blow it up

Help me grow

Grow back roses on me

Wipe of my stains

The tap drop craving

Is all I have…

Ellyjoy

CHAIN OF FEAR

I wish I gave you my pain 

Just for a moment

Not to hurt you

But make you understand

How this hurts me

Am a loner at times

When am with Friends​ 

I still feel lonely

How you all told you beautiful

And I lack just luck of beauty

I watch you giggle

As I watch at a distance

You finesse and caress

Your partners

But why do I have to find me there?

Watching…

I don’t cry because am hurt much

But because my tears don’t dry

Am not in fear because am a loner

Am in fear because am not sure

If it’s beauty or it’s a age spell

Under pain

Ellyjoy

YOU KISS

Every time I kiss you after a long seperation

I feel a putting like a hurried love letter in a mail box

That kiss takes me on a bliss

Leaving me with shaking knees

The ones you would never wish miss

So intense makes me drift

A fall you would not care lift

You are lot that is to shift

Seems to budge in a swift

Lose a grip never a bit

Those lips seems to fit

And with less a heart beat

Our Saul’s are apt we meet

I will take those lips no more again

No more such kisses given to me

My spirit faint for Joy; I see

Through mist of death and dreamy shore

That Meadows my waters aside

Where all about the hollow land

How pale your lips kiss and I smile

If thou Wilt kiss me in such wise

Ellyjoy

THE FEEL OF LUST

Just like a thief of night

You take sleepness away
From the depth of the eyes

As thoughts take their way

Into your bright twilight

All except good byes

Like a thief I snap your scent

Under my nose like a bell

That rings Everytime I miss you

I don’t want anything but you

I am tormented every time you away

From your warm hugs and charm

Sleep is no more a necessity

While you only my essentiality

I don’t want to close my eyes and dream

Every time you away I scream

Loud at night with fury and fright

Coz I can’t control my dreams

I want them reality

About only you my totality

I look at the stars to sense you here

Stare at the moon to feel you near

Time like ghost can’t feel

Missing you is pain can’t heal

Under my pillow our picture

That I wake and stare

And feel like crying

But I can’t

I don’t wanna wake you up

How much I want to say I love you

But I can’t

Since what I feel is much more than love

Maybe lust or more

I was lost before I knew you

But now am lust within you

Lust that last till I don’t know

Time will tell

Ellyjoy

SEA LOVE

A sea tumbles  in the youln depths unknown

I float on the surface how I long to dive in beneath your surface

Yet am timid in matters of love  brave I would have shown

The whole of my gushing heart

Not less than tides of bliss

Seeking depths unknown I  love to dive beneath your surface

Timeless and eternity in these depths

Holding long lost memories

Locked deep in the sea

Akin to our hearts memory of you and me

Searching your eyes I want

For treasures lost in the sea floors

The sun like a coin drops

Splashing this face of regret blush

In secret thoughts 

Of you and turn away from the endless shore

A swoop from the sea catches the light of your smile and breaks the hush

Of the late sky turning away from the endless shore of regret I blush

An enternity I was lost in sea in search of your love

Not seeing shore or any of the horizons

Lost in the vast emptiness

That was everywhere

I was really lost in sea love

Ellyjoy